Aspie married to a messy ADHD wife

My new wife is an amazing woman, but life is not perfect.  She has a rather extreme case of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).  This manifests itself in a number of ways, but perhaps the most striking for me in the early stages of our life together is the complete disorder.

Unfortunately (from my perspective), after the honeymoon we moved into my wife's apartment.  I would have loved to move into someplace else, but I don't have a job at the moment and we can't afford someplace else.  I had obviously been to her apartment many times before we got married.  It was a disorganized pigsty.  But, she had promised that the place would be cleaned up and there would be space for me to move in after the wedding.  Her sister even flew in for a weekend to help my wife organize.

So, we get married, I pack the inside and top of my car with the things I am keeping, and we drive cross country for our new lives in her apartment.  All the way she has told me how much better her place is now than when I had last seen it.

When I stepped through the door the first time, a wave of anxiety swept over me.  Please note that I don't normally have anxiety issues.  But this was more than my poor aspie self could handle.  While her place was better than it had been, it was still horrific.  I have serious trouble living someplace where I have to look down on the ground constantly so as to not step on things.  There were litterally narrow pathways where one could walk from room to room. The rest was filled with boxes and miscillaneous I-don't-know-whats.  My wife, simply, has too much stuff.  I would take pictures of the apartment, but just in case someone knows who she is, I don't want to embarrass her.

To make a very long story short, we arrived here four weeks ago today and my stuff is still in and on top of my car.  There simply isn't anyplace to put my things (even the things I didn't think we should bring but she insisted).

It is a big challenge for me to live like this.  One of the things everyone who would know about such things has told me since I learned about my Asperger's is that I need to have a space that is my own.  My wife has been told this many times as well.  She understands it. We do have a plan to get me my own space in her apartment, but I'm not optimistic that it will be done any time soon.

I would be happy to do all of the organizing myself, but I am very hesitant about messing with her things.  Every time I offer to do something, she insists on doing it with me and then corrects how I am doing it.  So far most of the stuff has just been shifted from one pile to another multiple times.  If I had the money, I'd hire one of those professional organizers to help my wife organize her things.  However, I don't have the money and she won't let me just do it.  (I have a great theory about big plastic bins and her garage that she never uses...)

So, yeah, I'm trying to live life without a space of my own or any of my own things.  It gets very frustrating.  This is compounded by not having a job or people I know in town, so I am essentially stuck in my wife's disasterous apartment.  I sincerely hope to find a decent paying job soon so I both have an opportunity to leave every day and we can afford to move someplace where she can keep all of her things and there is still room for me to have some of mine.

I'll keep you all posted on the saga.